Last weekend was total crazy-town. House and work. And I'm pooped. Over President's Day weekend I cleaned out a lot of garage stuff, made some tough decisions for Goodwill. Then went and bid on something crazy on eBay that I've wanted since I was eight. I always thought someday it would turn up on eBay and I've had a watch set for it for about 4 years.
My flight or fight response always kicks in before a last-minute, predictively-contested eBay bid. And in a kind of meditative way, I was able to notice my heart beating fast and feeling very intense five minutes before the bid (for an eBay thing! Yes, I know.)
Anyway, two minutes before the deadline I discovered my phone app had logged me out of eBay and I couldn't find my password written down. I literally ran in circles in a panic. I badly suck in a panic. My brain shuts down. I made two frantic password guesses (my hands literally shaking) and got my bid in at the exact second the auction closed. Too late by a second???? Oh the humanity!! How could this happen to me, I thought. I've been prepping all day for this auction (while cleaning out my garage and setting up an IKEA doll case). After 42 years of waiting: whyyyy??
And then I looked down at my phone and I had won the darn thing.
How. Did. That. Happen? How did my the impression of button accepting my bid amount travel all through the internets all the way to eBay headquarters in less than a nanosecond? I'm still in disbelief. You will be too when you see what it is that I got into such a turmoil about.
The Prompt: Some Day
This week's prompt:
"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."
- A. A. Milne
First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.
...inspired by my drawing:
Even the river
has roots and as you float through
you can change the course.
Some day. Oof. Who likes that idea?
I've always been conflicted about the riding-a-river spiritual analogy. There's something a bit passive-seeming about a river. Being able to go with the flow is a useful skill (and it brings interesting surprises to you) but it's not always the best strategy. Sometimes you have to dig you heels into the riverbed. It's hard to know when to flow and when to fight the current. And yet, this is also an idea that has helped me in my life. You have goals in your life and often if you struggle too hard to achieve them (using very logical means) and you get nowhere. And then you just go with the flow and mysteriously end up there. Life is a very delicate dance, a give and take, a try this and try that.
And I like this quote because we've all seen the suffering that arises from people who peak too fast and win too soon. You see how they find themselves defeated by all the time they have left. Late-life discoveries, leaving something for yourself to find later on, trusting the river...spacing it out through all the lives you have ahead.
What is your some day?